science is not boring and unrewarding

casualties of the move

by ameena on July 4, 2012 · 8 comments

in a day in the life, half-baked ideas, life and times of bilbo baggins and mr toad, random musings

A couple of months ago I realized I was being bogged down by everything I own. As I looked at my possessions with the utmost distaste, I could hear Tyler Durden reminding me, “the things you own end up owning you.” And that didn’t sit right with me. I don’t want to be a slave to my IKEA coffee table. I refuse.

As my personal priorities have shifted and I have tried to focus on consuming less, I have also decided it is time to start decluttering my own life and getting rid of most of my posessions. I promised myself that as I prepared to pack up and vacate The Cottage at the end of July, I would try to get rid of as many things as I possibly could. For the most part this process has been surprisingly easy, considering I have often been accused of being ridiculously sentimental. However, even I couldn’t have foreseen how difficult it would be to part with some of my belongings.

I like to refer to these dearest of items as my Casualties of the Move and I would like to ask that you join me as I honor them here.

1. My Junior Prom Dress. (also known as the love of my life)

2006

The second I saw that pale-yellow beauty sitting in the back of my closet I knew it was time. As I delicately removed the plastic covering so that I could try it on one last time, I could feel my heart grow heavy with sadness. Saying goodbye to an old friend is never easy. I couldn’t even adequately express to you why I love that dress so much. If you have to ask, you’ll never know. In fact, I love it so much that three years ago I somehow convinced a group of 20-25 year olds to dust off their old prom dresses and suits just so I could have an excuse to wear my dress one more time. Now that you are safely back in your plastic blanket dear dress, I offer a toast – thanks for the memories old yellow. You will be missed.

2009

2. Fabio.

fabio

Fabio, oh dear Fabio. You always find yourself in the crossfire don’t you? Thank you for always being such a cherished guest at our many affairs. As a parting bit of advice I offer that maybe for your new home you could at least bring a shirt? I mean, I’M NOT COMPLAINING, but sometimes you’re a little intimidating at first when you’re standing there all smoldering and shirtless with your weird chains in your hands, ya know?

3. Baby’s First Lightsaber && Darth Tater and the Spud Troopers.

First of all, someone please name their band “Darth Tater and the Spud Troopers” immediately. I promise I won’t even ask for any royalties. Just like, thank me in your album book thing or whatever.

My lightsaber has been with me since the glory days of my sophomore year of high school. After the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode II, it took residence in my car and there it lived for four years. I often suspect that this is most likely the reason I safely made it to my car so many times. Those mo’ fo’s saw my light saber and knew I must be dangerous. But then one tragic day the batteries died and it has been collecting dust ever since. That’s no life for a light saber, guys. No life at all.

Then there is my band of misfit spuds. I don’t even know what to say about those guys. I guess I just want them to know it isn’t them. It’s me. It’s definitely me.

4. Christmas.

I’m not gonna lie. Parting with my Christmas decorations wasn’t easy, but I know in my heart it was for the best. In the two years that I have lived in this house, the tradition of The Cottage Christmas has always been a favorite of mine. During the past two Decembers you could pretty much count on me spending 80% of every paycheck on any and all Christmas decorations I could get my hands on. But now I fear that Christmas anywhere else just won’t be the same. Also, who needs Christmas decorations when my only plans for Christmas this year involve Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party and openly weeping while watching this movie five times AT LEAST:

5. The Movies.

This one is too hard. I can’t. Not today.

because it would be cool (aka the one where i kind of lose my shit and kindly request that you tell me what to do)

by ameena on October 19, 2011 · 11 comments

in a day in the life, disney adventures, plight of the twenty-something

This morning was pretty spectacular. Not only did I wake up early enough to actually make and enjoy breakfast like a real adult, I also found out that I no longer have to take summer classes in order to complete my degree. This means I officially graduate this spring. Eeeep! I mean, it only took me five years, but as of May 2012 I will finally have a Bachelor of Arts (don’t ask) in Biology.

That’s right, I am the ultimate badass.

!!!

I was so overly ecstatic that I immediately texted, called, and tweeted pretty much everyone I know. I greedily commandeered my conversations in to I HAVE THE BEST NEWS territory. I happy danced. I smiled from ear to ear. I wanted to open mouth kiss everyone. Phampants suggested I instead kiss a squirrel, I think to avoid lawsuits. I worried about rabies. I decided dancing was enough.

Oh what a glorious morning!

But then,

slowly

gradually

morning turned in to afternoon and with it my ecstasy turned in to sheer panic. Because, you see, I have spent the past four and a half years refusing to give legitimate thought to what happens next.

YOU GUYS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN NEXT.

Whenever I am in doubt there is always one place and one place alone I turn to for answers – Disney.

The next thing I knew I was tumbling down the Disney Careers rabbit hole and positively drooling over the sheer amazingness of their science internships. It was around the time that I was researching local zoo internships that I realized that “It would be cool.” is probably not a sufficient enough essay response or reason to be pursuing a career I hadn’t given much thought to prior to today.

I spent so much of my college career insisting that there was “no rush” when it came to determining what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It is how I ended up on this here five year plan because I couldn’t decide on a major. I didn’t want to rush in to such a big decision! There was even a time when I was convinced I would be an English/History/Business/Biology/PoliticalScience/Music major. I wanted it all.

Perhaps it isn’t that I lack a clear vision for my future, okay okay, the reason I lack a clear vision of my future is that it is clouded by the fact that I want to do All of the Things.

The truth is I have absolutely no idea where my biology degree will take me. I always just hoped that my overwhelming love and admiration for my field would cause everything else to fall in to place. But instead it has had quite the opposite effect. I am so in love with every aspect, I just want to do it all.

I want to use my biology degree to continue to fight the evils of cancer and learn more about the fascinating world of disease. I want to spread the joy and wonderment that is zoology and marine biology. I want to save lives as an EMT and eventually as a physician’s assistant. I want to celebrate evolutionary genetics and the mechanisms of the cell. I want to solve criminal mysteries and neurological mysteries. I want to work for the CDC and DisneyWorld and Boston University and and all. of. it.

I was talking to a friend today about my uncertainty concerning the future and he mentioned a paper he recently read in which a researcher unveiled that most of the jobs students obtained directly after college ended up being completely different from their eventual careers. Clearly I interpreted this to mean I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Maybe I will just leap in to DisneyWorld’s Animal Kingdom or a research lab somewhere in Boston or even an EMT course. After all, I still have one more semester to figure it out, right?

…

Right?!

ameena floating on a pond

by ameena on September 3, 2011 · 2 comments

in random musings

“You will always have some excuse not to live your life.” – Chuck Palahniuk.

Back in my high school glory days I played the violin in the school orchestra. One time, in an effort to describe how terribly rehearsal had gone that day, my symphony teacher told us to all imagine “Ameena floating on a pond.” Okay, what he actually said was “amoeba floating on a pond,” but unfortunately us high school kids were never really the best listeners. So instead we all heard the former to which my classmates responded with laughter and a years worth of jokes and to which I nervously chuckled in order to hide my serious mortification. I had no idea the thought of me floating on a body of water evoked such depressing imagery. How sad!

And even though he quickly corrected the misunderstanding, here I am nearly seven years later wondering if maybe we had actually heard Mr. F correctly the first time. Because, you see, the truth is – I am amoeba floating on a pond. Although this species of amoeba has nothing to do with adolescent screeching violins and more to do with the fact that I have spent far too much of my life living in a manner not entirely unlike a simple, single-celled organism.

For too long I have been stationary. Going with the flow. Waiting for opportunity and adventure to come my way. Keeping everything simple. Hoping that the tides of my pond always stayed calm. Living in my own little single-celled world.

But lately I have felt big changes in the water. I have found that I am living my life more deliberately. Not only am I actually making plans to do those things I have dreamed of for ages but I have also started calling myself out on all of the excuses. It’s almost as if I am an active witness in my own maturation. I am becoming an adult. I have been slowly turning my back on various pursuits and anxiously looking forward to others. I am living my life with more purpose. Making plans. Following through. Trying new things. Asking myself the big questions. Facing my emotions. Doing more of what makes me happy. Embracing change. Pursuing opportunities. And always looking out for new adventure.

I refuse to take the back seat in my own life. I want to see. To do. To explore. To live.

This amoeba is evolving.

Are you ready, world?

sixteen. twenty-two. twenty-eight.

by ameena on August 23, 2011 · 5 comments

in favorite posts, random musings

The other day I was driving down the street thinking about what I would name my pet dinosaur (Frederick) when something crazy occurred to me – I have been licensed to drive for over six years. SIX YEARS. Why, it feels like just yesterday I was waiting anxiously (and foreverly) at the DMV in order to eternally document my short hair and affinity for Super Mario Brothers t-shirts. Yet, at the same time it feels like it has been decades since I first took the roads by storm (even if my driving hasn’t changed much since that day).

As I started thinking about how much has changed over these past six years, I began to wonder what sixteen year old me thought twenty two year old me would be like. I’ve concluded that we wouldn’t be friends. She would definitely disapprove of my relationship with vodka and the number of shorts in my wardrobe (I went to a very Mormon high school). She would probably be mad jealous of my fashion sense (Remember the mario t-shirt?). Certainly she would never expect me to be starting my fifth year in pursuit of that elusive bachelor’s degree and she most likely expected I could have gotten my shit together enough to finally visit Paris. It would probably be earth-shattering for her to realize that those friends that were her whole life are the people she only speaks to very rarely if at all. But I also think she would be in awe of the emotional growth I have experienced over the past two years and relieved to know that Peter Pan is still her favorite story of all time. Never growing up has always been very important to us. Most importantly, she’d definitely be excited to know that I have not grown an inch since tenth grade. 5’10.5″ is enough thank you very much.

It wasn’t long in to this conversation with my sixteen year old self that I began to wonder where I would be six years from now. Oh but a strange thought it is! I can barely imagine where I will be this December, let alone December of TWENTY SEVENTEEN.

I’ve decided to write future me a letter. I have a feeling it will come in handy for her.

My dear, sweet, amazing, gorgeous, kickass, twenty eight year old me of the future,

You are a big deal. How does it feel to be nearing thirty? I always say that thirty is the new twenty-one. So, GO YOU! I hope you’ve finally stopped waiting for your twenties to begin and have started actually fucking living. Hopefully your life list is more full of checks and less crammed with to-dos. I can tell you that right now you have yet to realize that twenty two is actually part of your twenties and that it is time to stop waiting and start doing.

I really hope you are still running and that you haven’t forgotten how happy it makes your feet to hit the pavement after a long day. Did you ever get that dog you have been yearning for? Be sure to take him running with you, you could both use the company.

I seriously pray to the heavens above that you are finally done with all that school nonsense, or that the end is at least in sight. It would also be pretty great if you were nearly finished with discovering the secret to time travel so that you could finally visit the dinosaurs. Oh, and I’m sure you are on the verge of curing cancer and busy discovering new species of monkey in the Amazon. Keep up the good work. I knew you could do it.

How is the view from your loft apartment in the sky? I am just dying to know which city you end up in. If you are still living in the SLC you had better slap yo’self right this instant. Do you finally have the kitchen you always dreamed of? I bet you are the best baker in the whole building. How are those piano skills coming along? Don’t forget, you only have two more years to perfect them.

Is there someone special in your life? Remember that you deserve the best and that settling simply is not an option. Your happiness comes from within. It took you a long time to realize this. Please don’t forget it. Although, while we are on the subject, I really hope he surprises you with breakfast in bed and impromptu serenades with his guitar. A million bonus points if he sings Moon River. Also, he had better be a good kisser. These lips need to be loved. Remind him that you prefer chocolates over flowers please and that quoting lines from You’ve Got Mail is the key to your heart. Oh, and if he always dresses like Donald Draper? Well, that’s okay too.

Some final pieces of advice: call your mom today to tell her you love her. You wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for her. Don’t forget to floss. Never stop laughing. Hold more spontaneous dance parties. Do that thing you’ve been dying try. Keep writing down those reasons to smile. Make good choices. Remember where you came from. Drink more wine. Stop acting so damn grown up. Reread Harry Potter for the eleventy-millionth time. Marry Ben Affleck. Treat money like you are still a poor college student. Finish all those craft projects. Spend more time outside. Be kind. Celebrate today.

I know there is more that I wish to tell you, but I would rather not overwhelm you. Just know that as I write this right now, I am happy. Not all of the days are this joyous, some are nearly impossible. But for the most part these twenty-two years have been oh so good to you. Here’s to more happy days to come.

love you long time,

raindrops on roses and some more of my favorite things this week

by ameena on August 13, 2011 · 1 comment

in reasons to smile

Oh heyyyy, I’m just going to start with some sad news and say I only have one week of summer left. Where the hell did this summer go? I am so sad. Fortunately the second to last week was pretty stellar. Here is a recap in smiles.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. So prior to getting tickets I was completely unfamiliar with the story (reading the Old Testament is in my life list, clearly I haven’t gotten around to that one) but thankfully I have friends like my Bestie who help me get all caught up. I think even if I hadn’t completely known the story I still would have loved this musical. It was so well done and entertaining and I just loved it. Oh and also someone please buy me a hale centre theatre season pass because I am ADDICTED to that incredible venue. Please? Oh also, Joseph? Call me. Marry me. Do it.

the aquarium. Today, on a whim, I decided to go to the Living Planet Aquarium. Because I want to become more comfortable with doing things by myself, I also decided to go alone. And oh! What a relaxing way to spend my afternoon. The aquarium is just so neat you guys. I stood transfixed by the jelly fish for what felt like hours and it didn’t even matter how long I stood there because I was by myself. oh how glorious! I was able to just stand and watch all the sharks and giant turtles and jellies and THE PENGUINS and it really all was a wonderful experience. I rather like the aquarium. I think I’ll go back.

touring the lofts of salt lake. Lately I have found myself caught in the same day dream. I find myself coming home from a long day at work to a gorgeous loft apartment in the sky. I just…I feel like my life just won’t be complete until I spend at least some of my years living under exposed pipes and walking on cement floors. So when my friend informed me that the Downtown Alliance was doing tours of some of the lofts around downtown I knew I couldn’t pass it up. And after spending the afternoon with some of the most gorgeous places to call home I know I NEED a loft. But also I really NEED a money tree. Details…

parties that take place in a log cabin in the mountains. sometimes I just really love Utah and it’s silly mountains.

my new spiffy red hair. I like to think of it as Jessica Rabbit meets Rihanna with a dash of Kate Walsh. And then I get to walk about pretending I am Christina Hendricks because curves please! What I’m trying to say is that my red hair is quickly growing on me. Sadly, I must inform you that spent the past twenty minutes trying unsuccessfully to take a picture for you. I will try again tomorrow.

exciting Bloggers in Sin City updates. So effing excited. Le sigh, nine months will fly by right?

The Sound of Music at Sundance resort. There is just something about seeing the Sound of Music performed at an amphitheater located in the mountains that is so magical. The hills are alive with music indeed.