there are a whole mess of disconnected thoughts currently floating about my head right now so this post might be a bit all over the place.
i feel as if lately i have just been taking snapshots. grasping desperately to hold on to the moments. as i sit surrounded by my favorite people, i glance around and see happiness. inside jokes. busting chops. uncontrollable laughter. i want the moments to last just a little bit longer.
i rather fell in love with this entire weekend. it was full of outings to the bars and obsessive discussions about my borderline inappropriate addiction to a certain british boy band. insightful conversations abound and i was able to catch up with dear friends that i hadn’t seen in far too long. there was also the incident of the brunch that changed my life and the mostly successful flying of the kites (cinderella tried to make a break for it and ended up in a lake. don’t worry a rather charming dog saved her! but sadly she will never fly again). And to top it all off there was an epic strobe light dance party in a friend’s living room and also the joy of seeing my favorite human live in concert tonight.
on a less than joyful note, i have been having some issues with the jealousy lately. and ya know what, jealousy certainly does not look good on me. i hate to admit just how often i am overcome by the stupid beast. and i know, oh how i know the root of this green monster’s evil, but i can’t seem to shake it. i guess if there is anything jealousy is good at it is playing to my biggest insecurities. cheap shot, i say.
finally, there are two songs i cannot seem to get enough of these days on account of their overwhelming beauty.
but also, i haven’t been able to stop listening to this song because, well, oh ya know…
Sometimes I have a really hard time remembering that I am twenty-two. I am so determined to become this perfect vision I have created of my future self that I have developed a tendency to mature much too quickly and focus much too much of my energy on “important” grown-up stuff. I always pressure myself to do the mature thing and act like an adult. When actually I should be spending my time being young and celebrating my limited amount of responsibility and being impulsive and also making a lot of stupid mistakes because hello this is the age when I can get away with it.
(And then later I can learn from all the stupid shit and be proud of the me I become rather than always being the girl chasing after that impossible image of perfection. There’s plenty of time for the serious stuff, later).
Which is all to say that I have finally decided on my phrase for the year two thousand and twelve.
we are young.
And sure, it probably mostly has to do with the fact that Nate Ruess is my actual favorite human being on the entire planet. But it also has to do with the fact that I really want to spend the rest of my twenties, you know, being in my twenties. In fact I often worry I have already wasted the first quarter of my twenties acting anything but. And so I plan on repeating this phrase to myself eleventy million times to remind myself that hey, it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay that I still don’t know what I want to do with my life and that really I just need to calm the fuck down and be young. And also listen to more of Nate Ruess’ voice.
And you know, if “being young” means dropping everything to move to Brooklyn and stalk Nate like crazy until he realizes his burning passion to be with me forever, then that’s what I gotta do.
BUT SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS ISN’T HE THE CUTEST?
Also, how do I get my teeth as white as Janelle Monae’s?