The longer I have been unemployed, the more grateful I am for the experience. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely spend a lot of my time shaking my fists at the universe in frustration and panicking about my perpetual unemployment, but the truth of the matter is that prior to my tumble in to the jobless life I was more miserable than I had been in a very, very long time.
I have spent the majority of the past year on a roller coaster of highs and lows. For me, a good week was one in which I only had one anxiety attack. Most weeks I could barely make it two days without calling my mom in hysteric tears. Everywhere I went I was haunted by my future. I felt so much pressure to make big, life changing decisions – even though I wasn’t even the least bit ready to do so. Helpless, I spent the year blindly marching forward like a bull in a china shop, I was frantic to make anything work. Then one day I stopped and took a look at the mess I was creating for myself. I realized that I could really make something of my time in unemployment. That the uncertainty did not have to be my undoing, it could be my greatest opportunity.
Unemployment has offered me the opportunity to slow down and really, truly assess my current situation. For the first time in years I have had serious time to reflect on where I am and where I would like to go next. I know this all sounds incredibly cliche and worthy of the ultimate eye roll, but I really have begun to find myself these past few months and I am honestly happier than I have been in a very long time.
The best thing that unemployment has done for me is that it has offerred me the time to fall back in love with running and adapting cleaner, healthier eating habits. I am finally back to the place where all I want to talk about is running, all I want to read about is clean eating and all I want to do is practice both.
So even though I still face a whole mountain of uncertainty on this job search, I really feel as if I have started to build myself a solid foundation to help me get to the other side.
Even though it wasn’t the outcome I was hoping for, this Super Bowl might be my favorite one, ever.
Yesterday I mentioned I was watching the Super Bowl by myself, but I actually lied. I watched it with the internet.
And I know I say this all the freaking time but the internet is my favorite forever and ever. Here is what happened, according to Twitter:
Well the Niners have already won the second most important battle of the day: best intro music. #californialove
— Kelly Hayes (@KBomb) February 3, 2013
So, to recap, I now desperately want Amy Poehler to drive me around in a VW bug while we shove Doritos in our mouths. #superbowl — Nicole Antoinette (@NicoleLessBS) February 4, 2013
that Taco Bell commercial wins the world. #superbowl — natalie holbrook (@natthefatrat) February 4, 2013
New life goal is to live my golden years just like they did in that Taco Bell commercial. YOLO, bitches. #SBADS — terrabear (@terrabear) February 4, 2013
If anything could break the Internet, it’s beyonce at half time. — ameena (@ameenamarie) February 4, 2013
I’m really impressed that Beyonce let the Superbowl open for her tonight. — brandyismagic (@brandyismagic) February 4, 2013
It’s official, Beyonce just avada kedavraed the #halftimeshow. #BeyonceAtSuperBowl — The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) February 4, 2013
All hail Queen Bey. — ameena (@ameenamarie) February 4, 2013
BeyonceBowl just rocked my Life. — Chelsea Talks Smack (@ChelsTalksSmack) February 4, 2013
I camed. #BEYONCE — Grace Helbig (@gracehelbig) February 4, 2013
Slight delay before 2nd half because @rembert spontaneously combusted in his seat during Beyonce’s act. There is Rem shrapnel everywhere. — Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) February 4, 2013
Beyonce = everything. I’m dying. I’ve died. I am dead. #IRegretNothing
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 4, 2013
No. One. Better.
— solange knowles (@solangeknowles) February 4, 2013
We’re all frantically doing squats after that Beyonce performance, right? — Almie Rose (@apocalypstick) February 4, 2013
Half the lights in the Superdome just went out twitter.com/rembert/status… — Rembert Browne (@rembert) February 4, 2013
IS BANE COMING OUT ON THE FIELD NOW?!?!?!?!??!?! — scharpling (@scharpling) February 4, 2013
I think this is Beyonce’s version of the mic drop. #blackout #SB47 — Diana Fakhouri (@dianafakhouri) February 4, 2013
Finally, a good episode of TREME. — Ben Heller (@benheller) February 4, 2013
This is quickly becoming my favorite Super Bowl.
— ameena (@ameenamarie) February 4, 2013
This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to New Orleans. — sean oconnor (@seanoconnz) February 4, 2013
I’m looting — Rembert Browne (@rembert) February 4, 2013
Lights out!!! Any questions??
— Mr. Carter (@S_C_) February 4, 2013
This GE commercial is really long. #SuperBowl
— Grace Helbig (@gracehelbig) February 4, 2013
Beyonce went backstage, dunked an Oreo in milk, and God was like, “GAME OVER.” — Nicole Antoinette (@NicoleLessBS) February 4, 2013
Twitter, you are my one true love. Don’t ever change. #SB47 #PowerOutage
— ameena (@ameenamarie) February 4, 2013
And now I’m in a room of girls crying and yelling about horses. — Amanda (@indevelopment) February 4, 2013
Are you fucking kidding me #Budweiser? Fleetwood Mac AND a Clydesdale?#NotFairP.S. that trainer could get it.
— Retta (@unfoRETTAble) February 4, 2013
This is fun! #Superbowl
— Emma Watson (@EmWatson) February 4, 2013
Crying at the Budweiser commercial for the FIFTH FREAKING TIME.
— Sara (@sarafrita) February 4, 2013
So a team called the ‘Ravens’ is playing a team whose colours are gold and scarlet? JK Rowling should sue.
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) February 4, 2013
So to recap:
Beyonce runs the world, Black Out SB47 Never Forget, Clydesdales are awesome, and Twitter >>>> Facebook.
Oh, and I guess some football happened? Those tweets weren’t as fun.
Now watch this and cry with me:
//For You Consideration: A Parody of Anne Hathaway’s “I Dreamed A Dream” Oscar Bait Performance
// I would like to start with a personal reason to smile and say I successfully posted every day in January! Go me. I’m interested to see what happens to this trend if when I finally get a full time job.
// My friend Nicole launched a new blog last week and it is full of so much inspiring awesome I can’t even handle it. If you’re interested in cutting the bullshit out of your life, then you should definitely add it to your reader!
But – and here’s where things get interesting – right after I reached the 10 mile mark I had a flash of realization: I wasn’t going to get any more uncomfortable. The wind was howling and I was slowly working my way through it, pushing that brick wall up that sandy mountain, and it was fucking horrible, yes, totally fucking horrible, but it wasn’t going to get any worse. I realized that I had made it through 10 miles of this agonizing slog of a run, and that if I just accepted the fact that I was uncomfortable and that it wasn’t going to get better but that it also wasn’t going to get worse, I could relax into the discomfort instead of fighting against it so much. And that moment, the exact moment when you allow yourself to get comfortable being uncomfortable, that’s when you begin to grow.
From Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable by Nicole Antoinette
// Have you ever found a blog and fell so in love with it that you end up reading the entire thing from beginning to end? Well, that happened to me this week with the Tumblr of Tess Lynch. I’ve actually been a fan of her writing for a while now so I’m not sure why it took me so long to do this, but I literally read the entire thing from beginning to end. Whenever I do something like this I always get super freaked out that the person will figure out how creepy I am for reading their entire blog and then they won’t want to be my friend. And yes, I definitely know how analytics work and that Tess would have had no clue I was the one creeping on her blog all week if I hadn’t just gone and told the whole internet. Also, she inspired me to bring my tumblr back from the dead.
// This week Emma from A Beautiful Mess shared some of her pointers on how to live an inspired life and even though they are things we’ve probably all heard before, I love the way she writes about them and I really think we could all stand to hear this advice again and again.
Wouldn’t be cool if every single day we faced big opportunities that could change our lives? What if every day was the Olympic race we’d been training for or the job interview we’d been dreaming of for years? Guess what, it’s not. Every day is just that: It’s every day. But it’s the little steps that propel us forward. The same attitude you would apply to a big important event, that’s how you should approach your everyday tasks.
From Live an Inspired Life by Emma Chapman
// Back to Black by Amy Winehouse is one of my top five albums of all time. I hate that so much of her life and death have been focused on her personal demons, when the only thing that should matter is just how fucking talented she was. This article perfectly discusses her life, death, and legacy.
Billie Holiday had her own demons, too, although they were much less documented than Winehouses’s – and we have come to appreciate Holiday’s ouvre. It might be time to do the same for Amy Winehouse.
From Love is a Losing Game: 1,000 Words About Amy Winehouse by Ned Hepburn
// Finally, I think this is one of my favorite internet finds in a very long time. Esquire does this feature called What I’ve Learned in which various actors, musicians, athletes, writers, politicians, news anchors – over 300 people total – speak very candidly about what life has taught them. You can find the entire archives here and I highly, highly recommend you spend some time with it. I was definitely moved to tears by many of them and it is fun to see so many high profile people in a new light. I’ve included quotes from some of my favorites below.
And in the end, I was thankful that although my profession was that of a military man — commander in chief of the armed forces, prepared to defend my nation with maximum force if I had to — I was able to go through my entire term in office without firing a bullet, dropping a bomb, or launching a missile.
From President Carter on the White House, Iraq, and Religion
I’ve had a pretty good lesson in human nature. It’s more important to try to surround yourself with people who can give you a little happiness, because you only pass through this life once, Jack. You don’t come back for an encore.
From Elvis Presley Quotes about Life, Music, Acting, and Family
But I came to the conclusion that I was not going to wake up one day at sixty-five and say, “What a waste.” At the very least I was going to grab as much out of this life as I could.
From What I’ve Learned: George Clooney
I don’t think anybody’s necessarily ready for death. You can only hope that when it approaches, you feel like you’ve said what you wanted to say. Nobody wants to go out in mid-sentence.
From Johnny Depp on Tim Burton, Movies, and Fame
I don’t have any big regrets, because I’m pretty happy with my life. But I have lots of minor regrets. I always order the wrong dish in restaurants. Always. No matter what I order, somebody else orders something that’s better. It even got to the point where I was consciously trying to pick things that I didn’t think I wanted, because I thought I would reverse the process and actually pick the things I would later regret not having. But I regret that, too.
From What I’ve Learned: Chuck Klosterman
There are these signposts along the way of getting older. The first is when the Playmate of the Month is younger than you are. Suddenly you’re starting to feel dirty because you’re twenty-three and she’s nineteen and you really shouldn’t be looking at that picture.
The next thing that happens is professional athletes are younger than you are.
Then coaches and managers are younger than you are.
And finally, the last one that happens: I’m the same age as the president of the United States.
From Aaron Sorkin on A Few Good Men, Obama, Writing
Honorable mentions include: Walter Cronkite, Larry King, Sigourney Weaver, Ray Charles, and Katie Couric.
the other night i spent the evening with some men folk and let me tell you, i have surely missed the company of men. now, i greatly adore the lady friends i have made here in florida, but lately it has been all estrogen all the time and i am all exhausted. i think my fellow ladies understand what i am saying. there is a serenity to be found in the company of men – like the fresh air i never knew i needed.
so there we sat, the men and i, watching superhero movies and eating cheese fries and even though i had only met some of them moments before, they were quick to help me feel welcome (so comfortable they even made fun of my drama queen tendencies). the whole evening had a heartwarming simplicity to it. i felt closer to home. oh, and did i mention one of them was from australia? he didn’t speak much, that one, but when he did i made sure to absorb everything he ever said.
and i know what you are thinking, but alas no i did not find myself particularly attracted to any of these delightful men (even the australian!). i mostly just relished my time spent in their company. however, this didn’t stop the occasional stolen glance or innocent flirtation, because i am after all a woman still and it is fun to flex my womanly muscles just to remind myself i still got it. which is what this evening was more than anything. it was the re-ignition of hope.
to once again feel the warm reassurance of hope burning deep within me. saying softly, someday. someone.
Friday night my friends and I watched the first two Batman films while playing the most ridiculous drinking game. Did you know the characters in Batman Begins really like to talk about fear? (DRINK!) And Christopher Nolan is an awfully big fan of showing off that Gotham City Skyline? (DRINK!) We didn’t either. Well, until it was too late. But none of that could have prepared us for the moment we learned that EVIL JOFFREY BARATHEON IS THE CUTE, INNOCENT LITTLE BOY IN THE FIRST MOVIE.
Caption: WHAT?!
(CHUG ALL THE BEAR)
(and maybe cut yourself off because clearly chugging a beer = appropriate reaction, chugging a bear = certain death).
It was while I was sitting there, drinking to the bats and sandwiched between some of my favorite people, that I realized I was in a Moment. The kind of moment you wish you could fold up and carry with you in your pocket. The kind of moment that reminds you how wonderful the people in your life truly are and just how much you are going to miss them.
The highlight of the night, for me, came in the form of several mini-debates we shared throughout our movie marathon (is Christian Bale one of the greatest actors of our time? Just how important is Christopher Nolan’s trilogy? Best Joker moments? How big of an asshole is Jesse for unleashing major Game of Thrones spoilers FOR NO REASON? (just kidding Jesse, I forgive you. Sort of.)). My favorite by far was the Katie-Maggie debate. It turns out that pretty much everyone has some strong feelings on who is the better Rachel Dawes. Alliances were formed. Voices were raised. And of course we all agreed to disagree, as can be the only conclusion in the debate of the Rachels.
(For the record I am team Katie Holmes. TRY TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE)
What I am trying to say here is that I am so happy to have found people who love to passionately discuss movies as much as I do. You see, I have been thinking about passion a lot lately and the sorts of conversations that passion can foster. These are the interactions I crave. I strive to surround myself with passionate individuals. The kind of people who use their passions to turn their dream life in to reality and save the world. These are the people who do not fear diving head first in to real conversation.
I find that more often than not these people challenge me to be a better person, and I hope that I in turn inspire them as well. It is in these interactions that I always find my best ideas. Lately I have feared that the majority of my conversations hover in this weird place where the conversation isn’t necessarily shallow, but it doesn’t quite make it to the deep end, either. I miss the real talk.
And not just about television or movies either (even though I am aware that is what 80% of my conversations revolve around). I love getting past the surface and debating views on LGBT rights or debating what is more important – the environment or the economy. I love getting real passionate about the best way to spend a free Saturday afternoon or the top five moments of LOST. I love learning why people do what they do and discussing our big scary dreams and all that we plan to one day accomplish. And I will never tire of explaining why John Cusack sucks and Twitter > Facebook.
Friday night was a wonderful glimpse back in to that world of passionate conversation. Now how do I visit more often?
What about you? What are you passionate about? What kinds of conversations do you crave?
Having unlimited access to a hot tub is simultaneously the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I think Olivia said it best when she pointed out that basically we are far too immature for a hot tub.
I realized this was true when I found myself sitting in said hot tub surrounded by empty wine bottles at 4 o’ clock in the morning this past Saturday – or I guess normal people would call it “Sunday” at that point – following a ridiculous game of Truth or Dare: Hot Tub Edition. Which for the record is basically the only way truth or dare should ever be played. And yet, miraculously, this still doesn’t beat the weekend prior when Olivia and I somehow convinced a group of our friends to play Spin the Bottle: Hot Tub Edition.
Yeah, immature might be a bit of an understatement. In other news, we fucking rule at getting our friends in touch with their eighteen-year-old selves. So ya know, high fives for that.
Here’s the thing, my entire life “moderation” is a concept that has been totally and completely lost on me. For the most part I am all, “Look at me! I am sooooo healthy! Boo alcohol! Yay Brussels sprouts! More running please! Eff yeah adulthood!” And then other times – like the majority of this past month – I am all, “Let’s get drunk and make bad choices! What alcohol allergy? I am young! There is time for healthy later! Cake for dinner! Wahoo waking up at noon!”
My inability to find that happy place somewhere in the middle has started to give me severe whiplash. Usually what happens is I get so freaked out by how adult I can be that I start questioning everything and decide that the only answer is to swing to the complete opposite side of the spectrum which then results in me feeling guilty and being a total asshole to myself about how immature I am behaving so then I panic and scurry back in to the patiently waiting arms of adulthood.
And now I am exhausted just having typed that.
If someone could please explain this “moderation” thing to me I would be eternally grateful, until then you can find me in the hot tub trying to convince everyone we should play Seven Minutes in Heaven: Hot Tub Edition while stuffing my face full of carrots. That’s getting close, right??
A couple of months ago I realized I was being bogged down by everything I own. As I looked at my possessions with the utmost distaste, I could hear Tyler Durden reminding me, “the things you own end up owning you.” And that didn’t sit right with me. I don’t want to be a slave to my IKEA coffee table. I refuse.
As my personal priorities have shifted and I have tried to focus on consuming less, I have also decided it is time to start decluttering my own life and getting rid of most of my posessions. I promised myself that as I prepared to pack up and vacate The Cottage at the end of July, I would try to get rid of as many things as I possibly could. For the most part this process has been surprisingly easy, considering I have often been accused of being ridiculously sentimental. However, even I couldn’t have foreseen how difficult it would be to part with some of my belongings.
I like to refer to these dearest of items as my Casualties of the Move and I would like to ask that you join me as I honor them here.
1. My Junior Prom Dress. (also known as the love of my life)
2006
The second I saw that pale-yellow beauty sitting in the back of my closet I knew it was time. As I delicately removed the plastic covering so that I could try it on one last time, I could feel my heart grow heavy with sadness. Saying goodbye to an old friend is never easy. I couldn’t even adequately express to you why I love that dress so much. If you have to ask, you’ll never know. In fact, I love it so much that three years ago I somehow convinced a group of 20-25 year olds to dust off their old prom dresses and suits just so I could have an excuse to wear my dress one more time. Now that you are safely back in your plastic blanket dear dress, I offer a toast – thanks for the memories old yellow. You will be missed.
2009
2. Fabio.
Fabio, oh dear Fabio. You always find yourself in the crossfire don’t you? Thank you for always being such a cherished guest at our many affairs. As a parting bit of advice I offer that maybe for your new home you could at least bring a shirt? I mean, I’M NOT COMPLAINING, but sometimes you’re a little intimidating at first when you’re standing there all smoldering and shirtless with your weird chains in your hands, ya know?
3. Baby’s First Lightsaber && Darth Tater and the Spud Troopers.
First of all, someone please name their band “Darth Tater and the Spud Troopers” immediately. I promise I won’t even ask for any royalties. Just like, thank me in your album book thing or whatever.
My lightsaber has been with me since the glory days of my sophomore year of high school. After the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode II, it took residence in my car and there it lived for four years. I often suspect that this is most likely the reason I safely made it to my car so many times. Those mo’ fo’s saw my light saber and knew I must be dangerous. But then one tragic day the batteries died and it has been collecting dust ever since. That’s no life for a light saber, guys. No life at all.
Then there is my band of misfit spuds. I don’t even know what to say about those guys. I guess I just want them to know it isn’t them. It’s me. It’s definitely me.
4. Christmas.
I’m not gonna lie. Parting with my Christmas decorations wasn’t easy, but I know in my heart it was for the best. In the two years that I have lived in this house, the tradition of The Cottage Christmas has always been a favorite of mine. During the past two Decembers you could pretty much count on me spending 80% of every paycheck on any and all Christmas decorations I could get my hands on. But now I fear that Christmas anywhere else just won’t be the same. Also, who needs Christmas decorations when my only plans for Christmas this year involve Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party and openly weeping while watching this movie five times AT LEAST:
5. The Movies.
This one is too hard. I can’t. Not today.
