club underoos in da house

on what i want (at the moment)

by ameena on January 22, 2012 · 10 comments

in favorite posts, plight of the twenty-something, real talk

{image via tumblr}

Today I found myself sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of tea cradled preciously in my hands as I stared at the rain falling against the window. Doesn’t that just sound terribly existential and entirely romantic? But also, it honestly could be that I have officially turned my life in to one giant eye-rolling cliche. Who knows. Either way, it is a definite sign that I’ve got my contemplative pants on.

As you probably know, I am currently at a point where there is a big, fat question mark hovering over my six-month-from-now life. I can see it there way off in the distance, quickly approaching and honestly it’s really starting to freak me the fuck out. Whenever people find out that I am going to be graduating at the end of this semester they get all excited and start asking me a million questions. They’re all like, “Ooooh! So what happens next? Are you going to stay in Utah? Have you thought about grad school? What about internships? What do you even do with a Biology degree? What is your life plan? Ameena, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!” And then I just feel like a real moron and I quietly whisper “I don’t know” while simultaneously trying to resist the urge to apologize for being a failure.

But that’s the thing – I know I’m not a failure. And I totally get that it’s okay to not have your shit figured out at the age of twenty-two. But that still doesn’t make it any less frustrating to not have a clue. Like, how can I have been alive for twenty-two years and have no clue? What have I been doing? And I know that I’ve written about this before, but I’m still struggling with it. I like plans. and lists. and security. Just writing this all out is making my palms sweaty and my left eye twitchy. In situations like this where I am overwhelmed by all the answers I don’t have, I like to look at what I do know and go from there.

what I want (at the moment):

I want to experience life without school for the first time in seventeen years. I want to celebrate and enjoy being in my twenties. I want to continue to grow mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I want to become a better writer. I want to start by living a life worth writing about. I want to use my positivity and passion for life to help others. I want to find a way to contribute more to the online community because of all that it has done for me.

I want to experience life living outside of Utah. I want to live in New York City and Boston and Chicago and San Diego and maybe even Los Angeles. I want a cozy little apartment in the sky. One with city streets for a backyard and mountainous skylines outside my bedroom window. A place to call my own. Where I am responsible for me; party of one.

I want to learn to be okay with solitude and to feel more comfortable in large groups. I want to be a better friend. To surround myself with like-minded, encouraging people and to stop wasting energy on people who break me down.

I want to keep travelling. I want to run twenty-six point two miles through Chicago and Athens and maybe even eventually Boston. I want to backpack Europe with Pham and Ashley so that we can celebrate our year of #castlesbeerandtattoos.

I want to develop a better relationship with food and my body; to stop shoving so much toxic nonsense down my throat. I want to learn to enjoy and savor what I eat. To take more steps toward an entirely plant-based diet; for both my own well-being and that of the planet. I want to become more environmentally aware and to teach others about the importance of conservation. I want to work for our oceans and forests.

I want to be the kind of girl who wears red lipstick, but who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself when it ends up all over her teeth. I want to be taken seriously as a woman who is a fan of sports. I want to eliminate self-doubt and spend more time dancing in my underwear.

I want to find intense, passionate love. The kind of love that radiates throughout my entire body. I want to find someone who shares my understanding that love isn’t perfect and who is willing to fight along side me to make it work.

I want to live a life unrestrained by my inhibitions and anxiety. To always remain honest to myself by spending less time trying to be someone I am not and more time perfecting the superstar that I am. And most importantly, above all, I never want to forget that happiness is the key to life.

***

Maybe next time somebody asks me what I want to do with my life I’ll start with all of that.

the secret to being an adult

by ameena on January 15, 2012 · 3 comments

in random musings

A couple of months ago I accidentally stumbled upon what I like to call the secret to being an actual grown up adult version of myself. It was totally one of those Oh! So this is what being an adult feels like moments. But like, it was one of the good this is what being an adult feels like sort of moments. Not the oh shit I am an adult when did that happen somebody make it stop sort of moments. Do you know what kind of moment I am referring to? All you need to know is that it’s a really great kind of moment. The best part is it kind of hit me when I was in the middle of actually doing it without realizing just what I was doing.

Are you ready for it? Here it is, my secret to being an adult:

Do the thing you are supposed to be doing.

There it is. That’s it. And how gloriously over the mother effing moon happy does it make me when I finally stop procrastinating and do the thing that I am supposed to be doing! As a chronic avoider of all the things in life, I have spent plenty of time and energy avoiding the exact thing I am supposed to be doing. Procrastinator extraordinaire at your service. Let’s just say that stress and I, we’re old acquaintances.

But when I do the thing I am supposed to be doing suddenly I find that I have more time (and energy!) to do more of the things I actually enjoy doing – guilt-free! Like, when I actually clean the kitchen I waste less time stressing myself out over how messy the kitchen is and more time dancing in my underoos. The most surprising part? When I regularly clean the kitchen it actually takes me less time to clean it. WHOA. And that’s pretty much how a lot of things in life go. Do the crappy stuff first, have all of the fun later. ALL OF THE FUN!

Since discovering my adulthood secret a couple of months ago I have found that I have started being less talk and more action. I’ve gotten in to this crazy-pants habit of making a to-do list every night before bed. Crazy right? It gets crazier: I then spend the next day actually checking things off my list. INSANITY. And now I have the added benefit of Nicole’s insanely awesome Eff Yeah 2012 goal template to help my neurotic, list-obsessed self kick it up a notch. Fifteen days in to this new year and my goals have already revolutionized my life. So many lists! So much happiness!

As always, my old habits never disappear without a fight. Not long after I found myself happily doing the thing I was supposed to be doing, my inner child rebelled. It was like I was taking two adult steps forward and then three tantrum induced baby steps back. I absolutely, positively refused to do any of the things I was supposed to be doing. Instead I binged on True Blood, slept half my life away, and avoided studying for finals by any means necessary.

Fortunately, I have found that the baby step tantrums are becoming less frequent and my more adult strides are finding their regular rhythm. I’m learning to tackle the most important pieces of my day first and do what it is I am supposed to be doing.

Oh hey adult me, you’re looking good.

dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today

by ameena on January 7, 2012 · 5 comments

in a day in the life, random musings

I have recently taken to dancing around my room in my underoos. I’ll turn the music up real loud and let the bass take over. My socked feet will begin slipping and sliding on the cold, wood floor and slowly my hands will raise up above my head. Once my booty starts shaking, oh well that’s when you know there’s no turning back! Club Underoos in da house! Why –  I even put Cameron Diaz to shame!

Just typing it all out loud makes me ridiculously happy. In fact, brb, I gotta take a quick trip to Club Underoos. Isn’t that just the silliest word? Underoos. ha.

I often like to say that I am the kind of person who takes all of the wrong things too seriously and the right things not seriously enough. And the past couple of weeks have been no exception. Lately, I have been taking LIFE waayyyy too seriously. I’ve forgotten how to laugh at myself. How to laugh at life.

More specifically, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about death (oh hey there morbidity, take a seat). I think this has a great deal to do with this incredible article on the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying that has been making it’s way around the internets this week (No seriously, read it. I’ll wait. Done? Good). I’m afraid that my regret will be that I let my fear of dying prevent me from living.

If you haven’t realized before – I am a bit of dreamer. I am also incredibly passionate that people should spend their lives following their dreams. But every so often I panic and worry that I will never have enough time to accomplish all of the things that I so desperately dream of. I become paralyzed with fear and I either start giving up on everything bit by bit or I try to keep myself incredibly busy for fear of “wasting time” until slowly, eventually I remind myself that my fear of death shouldn’t be a discouragement but rather the ultimate form of encouragement.

A reminder that life is too short to spend it doing something you hate. Encouragement to seize every single day. Comfort in taking time to enjoy the little things. Inspiration to never forget your dreams.

And so I dance. I dance to remind myself that life is beautiful and to stop taking things so darn seriously. Those dancing underoos let me know that it’s okay to laugh at life and enjoy it, because as Marilyn Monroe once said, “We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.”